Some of us weren’t meant to fit into the rat race

TW: I’m writing critically of the way a lot of people live in this article. If you’re sensitive about conventional paths being challenged, this article may not be for you!

Sometimes, I’ll look through my Facebook memories and days come up from fifteen years ago. The Book came out when I was a freshman in high school, so goofy status updates will pop up, cringe to say the least but what can I say as a dorky teenager?

Some of those status updates my high school boyfriend are tagged in, and occasionally I’ll click his name to see his current life update.

Overweight. Financial advisor. Lives in the city. Living the typical SAP lifestyle.

SAP = sad American path. I made that up. It’s the path people take to fit into society, to be “useful,” the typical 9–5 life of working and getting drunk on the weekends. The outdated American dream of go to college, get a job, buy a house, have a family, retire, get sick, die, repeat.

An overpriced mortgage fits in there along with chronic health issues or cancer, a round of chemotherapy and divorce surely. Maybe going on a big vacation once every 20 years, but mostly gaining more and more weight and material possessions until they hit 85 and their kids have to go through the grueling process of hiring a junk truck to haul away all the shit accumulated over a lifetime and losing sleep at the amount of debts they had.

I’m so glad it didn’t work out with him.

I’m so glad he broke my heart sophomore year of college, after transferring to a different school together and catching him in the lawn with his tutoring student. So glad he told me he didn’t want to “deal” with me anymore and eventually ghosted me as a girlfriend.

Because shortly after he dumped me, I began the quest of finding myself and what I wanted in life. I didn’t want to live life alone, so I found clarity on what I really wanted in a life partner.

Less than a year later, I met him and the whole concept of life changed drastically for me.

From financial advisor to… factory worker? This beautiful man who didn’t go to college, but instead worked in a wood mill hauling giant planks of wood everyday. And later, building engines for backup generators for homes. After we started dating, I found out he was a rebellious kid who did all kinds of questionable things (I won’t throw him under the bus here).

Total taboo in my family, and to follow, trying out the devil’s lettuce. The first step of awakening my spirit to the fact that there’s so much more to this life than the SAP way.

It wasn’t the weed necessarily that was the catalyst of this “awakening,” but it was the first time I “rebelled” and was a “bad girl” in my short twenty years of living.

It was the first time I said no to SAP and looked for alternative ways of living.

My body shudders pondering what it would have been like if it worked out with that first boyfriend. Knowing myself now and considering my journey since then, it never would have. Or if I made myself, I’d be deeply lost, suppressed, stuck and unhappy. I never would have met myself.

Some of us aren’t meant to fit into society.

We’re meant to create a new one.

After my first joint, the world opened up for me. What else was out there? I have a soul, a spirit? And it doesn’t have to do with the Catholic Church? My spirit is mine? What is my spirit saying?

Travel. Experience the world. Find the good in it. Find out who you are and who you can be. Explore your creativity. Follow your heart.

Acquiring a business degree revealed the flaws in our society, the material way of life slowly (or perhaps too quickly) degrading everything beautiful and natural. “Things” becoming more important than people and meaning. “The way the world works” of lying & manipulating people into situations that aren’t for their highest good, rather, to feed the ego that can never get enough. Preying on peoples’ weaknesses so you could get ahead. This angered me and I didn’t want to be a part of it.

I will not participate in a system designed to hurt, manipulate & harvest each other for money & power.

This is the main reason I choose to live on the outer edge of society, with only what I need, as much as I can be and still have my basic human needs met. I’m not perfect, I still have to participate in our system, I still have to buy products that oppress someone somewhere in the world. I do so as minimally as possible. I’ve adopted a philosophy of minimalism. Every belonging I own has a purpose, and if it doesn’t it goes. Every action I carry out is intentional and has a purpose, and if it doesn’t I don’t need to be doing it.

I will not dedicate my life to an occupation, way of life or a home and participate in the rat race further. I’m trying my best to choose a different way and hope to inspire others to as well. The more people living intentionally and following their hearts, the more likely our systems will change to be better for the all.

My life started when I graduated and became a nomad. I began the lifelong process of un-learning what “they” taught me, and learning from my heart, transparency and truth. This led me to live my life in alternative ways.

The first summer of being nomadic with my partner, we lived in a tent and lived for free on public land, visiting nature and exploring creativity. Eventually, we found ourselves living off grid in a cabin on the Oregon Coast, moving in and out of RVs, living in a tent again, experimenting with work exchange lifestyles for living accommodations.

Then added organic farming, an occupation meant to heal and nourish people rather than poison them. I didn’t make too much in my career as a farmer so far, perhaps around $15k + all the food I could need those four seasons I farmed but damn, it was fulfilling and I learned a valuable life skill: how to grow my own food.

Later, my partner and I started a service based business and help (mostly) elderly people do a task they cannot anymore. Clean their windows. And keep them company during their retirement. We don’t advertise, we let our customers come to us and we have more than enough people to help.

I’ve been pursuing a creative “career” these last eight years and share this journey in books, the internet, and art to inspire others of an alternative way to live that doesn’t conform to what society & the system tell us we have to do.

It is no surprise that there’s corruption in our human-made systems and they’re not working. Something needs to change. The basics of being a human, the very foundational things we need as a species are monetized in unaffordable ways that many of us can’t have those needs met.

Why are houses and healthcare so expensive? Why are we outsourcing our creativity to AI? Why is our food grown so horribly, and why do farmers make so little of an income for feeding people the sustenance they need to survive? Why is conventional food designed to poison us?

We can’t even talk to our friends anymore about our emotions or feelings because we’ve been programmed to see complaining or “neediness” as being “toxic, codependent, and energy vampires.” No, we have to outsource these friend dynamics and pay for a therapist. Wouldn’t want to piss them off and have them ghost us for being human and discussing normal life with them.

Perhaps I’m just one person, but I’ll do my part in this game of ripple effects to live my life intentionally, make decisions based on my heart wisdom, and choose to live with less. The American way of “more, more, more” is outdated and heartless. I want to do better, and I try my best with what is in my life.

Steps I took to become “feral”:

Feral animals hang out on the edges of civilization and pick up the scraps that are left behind. They are innovative and resourceful. A feral cat or dog was born to be domesticated but for whatever reason, decided it was safer to not be under the power of another being (pet owner). In the RV park I live at there’s a feral calico cat that wanders about and lays under campers. Someone feeds it, but respects its decision to remain in the wild.

I, too have become feral like the calico cat, hyperaware of my surroundings and knowing when to get out. I am sensitive and filled with emotions, so being this way is how I protect myself and keep my inner world sacred. To me, it is better to struggle mildly and look a bit “rough” than to have someone or something whispering “shoulds” into my ears and having “perfection.” Or losing myself entirely trying to “be good” in someone else’s eyes.

I sat down with a journal and conducted deep self inquiry several years ago. Who am I? What do I value in life, and what is truly important to me? What are my needs? Ethics, morals, values? How do I want to be treated as a human, and how can I apply that to how I treat others? In my long life ahead of me (I started doing this when I was 19), what do I want to experience? If I won’t work as an employee, what can I do to make money?

I revisit these questions often and tweak my answers & actions as I age and grow.

Contemplated: Since I have to have a way to contribute to society to earn some sort of money (sorry Alex Supertramp, I’m not that bold to leave society for good), even if I skirt around it, what does that look like? How will I live? How will I fulfill the human desire for purpose and being of service?

My conclusions from this self inquiry led me to a lifestyle pursuing freedom, nature, spirituality, genuine connection & care for the humans I allow in my life, and the least amount of time I have to spend working, quality work for me. Since I was 19, I’ve been taking steps to morph my life to these personal values. The ways these values manifest change often, but that’s just part of life. Constant flow and flux.

Freedom = living nomadically, mortgage free. I live in a camper and can move anytime, anywhere I want if I feel like I need to, though I’m content in one spot for a while. Living frugally as cheaply as possible but having my needs met. Not pursuing material things, rather, pursuing the adventures I can have in my lifetime and what I can create and contribute. Traveling and seeing different landscapes. Being parked at an RV park meets these needs of freedom, and luckily enough people live this lifestyle that there’s so many RV parks across the continent.

Nature = parking my RV in nature and being surrounded by it 24/7. Living in rural areas. Choosing to spend my free time mostly in nature, creating art & words around the themes and lessons of nature. My spirituality is based around nature, plants, the cycles of the year. Learning plants & how they can help us. I take care of my health and wellbeing with nature, practicing herbalism, sourcing food organically, and stable mental health by means of spending time in nature. Since I’m made of nature, I’m sure going to be a part of it and take care of it.

Spirituality = I follow my heart and spirit rather than material things. Find the deeper meanings in life. Use creativity and art as a way to explore spirituality. Alter my life to the seasons, use the symbolism as a guideline. Left behind comfort so I can grow as a person, living outside my comfort zone. My partner and I have been sober from alcohol for two years and a few months, and have gone on sobriety trips throughout our eleven years together. Meaning over material.

Genuine Connection = pursuing community in ways that align with my interests, values, and what I can give. Part of being a human is realizing what unique gifts we have that we can contribute to others. Being a good friend. Companionship. Being alone isn’t an option and isn’t good for the spirit. We need others. Having good relationships with the people we serve with our service business. Since I am so sensitive, I am selective of who is in my life and choose relationships that fill me up rather than deplete me.

Minimal Time Working = starting a service business and living cheaply. Pursing a “career” as an author/artist and using my lifetime as a means to create & sustain myself. I don’t “work” too much because much of the work I do is centered around my passions and what my heart wants to do. We do have our busy seasons when we do work more than play with our window cleaning business, but we also have our slow seasons, sometimes months that we don’t have to serve anyone. MONTHS. And where I live right now, those months happen to be in the summertime, the best time to travel and visit other places. This is a dream… to be able to create a work schedule catered to our desires (we’ve adopted four day work weeks and schedule days “on” to end around 3 p.m.) and to have enough to support our lifestyle.

Comfort doesn’t really make the cut in my values list. A person doesn’t grow and develop in a state of complete comfort. What I mean by that is, since I live outside my comfort zone and do things that challenge me, I’m growing in more ways than one. I still have a nice bed, a kitchen to cook healthy meals in, a bathroom and a normal way to shower. But I don’t need 4,000 square feet of living space to have those things.

Sure, my work is physically demanding as a window cleaner but you know what? That makes me physically & mentally stronger and more resilient than I was before. Sure, it can get crammed in our camper, or cold, or uncomfortable, but I’m closer to my partner because of it and we can endure anything together. I’m more adaptable than I was as a teenager living in a big house with all my luxuries met.

This to me is living a rich life. One with experience, life lessons, and an encyclopedia of personal wisdom I can access at anytime. I keep on going and can be self reliant because of the grit.

I’m no SAP. I’m feral and free to experience me and the world, whatever that looks like on any given day. I am feral because I fend for myself (and my small family) and have created a lifestyle mostly outside of what society has told me of how I should live. Struggle comes with this life, it isn’t easy, but it is mine. I make the rules.

And your life can be yours too.

Thanks for reading,

Ashley